A couple’s gender reveal party with a balloon went wrong in every conceivable way possible. (Screen capture via Twitter)
It is with a heavy heart that PinkNews can confirm that straight people are, in no comprehensible way, OK. And it’s all down to a gender reveal party. Again.
But the latest gender reveal party gone horribly wrong involved a big black balloon and one man falling off a fence.
This time, a man in a blue polo and a woman in a pink dress swatted at a shiny balloon which presumably contained coloured confetti. Or maybe a hippo.
“Hit it! Hit it hard!” energetic man yells at two parents-to-be hitting balloon with sticks.
In a video posted to Instagram by user Brent Murray, the man and woman use sticks to swat at the balloon tied to the ground.
But despite battering the balloon, it refuses to pop. It is indestructible.
Even the balloon doesn’t want to be part of your stupid gender reveal party. pic.twitter.com/ed2Cw8w2ea
— Klara Sjöberg (@klara_sjo) October 7, 2019
In the background, someone can be heard shouting: “Yeah, hit it! Hit it hard!
“Oh, man, strike out.”
The father-to-be, donned in sunglasses and a determined smile, musters all his might as he swung at the balloon to no avail. Watching as the balloon collides into the woman.
A few swings later, the balloon floats away into the distance, inciting a mad dash by the parents-to-be.
But it is too late.
In a last ditch effort to put an end of the balloon’s Harry Houdini act, the man sprinted across the fenced-in backyard.
But his ability to jump a fence is apparently as good as his ability to pop a balloon with a stick. He gets stuck halfway and plummets, lying prostrate on the ground.
The man’s loved ones all wallow in defeat, some scrambling to jump the fence but most are just laughing manically, as the balloons rises into the sky. Finally free.
Seriously though, are straight people OK? Do they need someone to talk to?
Twitter concludes: ‘Even gender reveal parties hate gender reveal parties.’
People on Twitter seemed to show concern for the parents after the video was reposted onto Twitter:
feel bad for the baby they put inside of that balloon…😔 these gender reveals getting out of hand
— SparkHampster (@datdudekid) October 6, 2019
Others commented on the man’s valiant efforts to rescue the balloon: “Best part is the guy who sees a balloon 30 feet in the air and thinks this will help.”
** Record scratches **
“Yeah, that’s me … You’re probably wondering how the hell I couldn’t pop a balloon … or hop a fence.”
** Music hits ** pic.twitter.com/rCJKhMuELN
— Steven R. Walker (@Steve_R_Walker) October 6, 2019
But the bulk of Twitter questioned why the parents thought pummelling the balloon like a Pinãta would work.
Sticks are for pinatas. They need sharp stuff for balloons.
Where are the lawn darts?
— Dakota Hansen (@DakotaHansen13) October 6, 2019
Meanwhile, one user made a vital observation: “Even gender reveal parties hate gender reveal parties.”
One user did what Twitter does best and made a meme out of the situation:
— NorseDakotan (@DakotanNorse) October 6, 2019
Another succinctly added: “What a bunch of dorks.”
Gender reveal parties have a troubling track record.
Gender reveal parties – in which expectant parents reveal the genitals of a foetus to their friends and family – have been widely ridiculed as examples of ‘straight culture’.
The parties often ignore the fact that there are more than two genders, and gender exists on a spectrum.
Moreover, the parties aren’t exactly centuries-old traditions.
The earliest reveal dated only as far as 2008, when lifestyle blogger Jenna Karvunidis revealed the gender of her unborn child via two coloured cupcake.
Cupcakes are pretty tame in comparison to today’s hippo-sized standards, and Karvunidis has since admitted she has “mixed feelings” about her legacy.