Dear E. Jean: Something is poisoning my life. I’m a 25-year-old musician, sweet, loving, attractive. The poison? Another musician. I’ve endured six years of his cheating, drinking, and lying. On top of that, he’s depressed, not even that good in bed, and constantly pushes me away. I’ve tried cutting him loose. Believe me, I know I deserve better than this nonsense! When I finally get rid of him, he comes back, always keeping his options open. I need to move on! I haven’t even kissed another man in six years. But I can’t take my mind off him. I love him! I miss him! How can I be so hung up on him? —Heartbroken in Hoboken
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Hoboken, My Luv: You can write a screed as long as Foxy Brown’s hair extensions about the things you despise in the dude (“cheating, drinking, lying”), and it will only make you love him more. (The very act of dwelling on why he’s a blot on the human race keeps him ever-present in your mind.)
Stop wasting time. Delete his numbers from your phone, box up his pictures, burn his CDs, stay off his Facebook page. Next, you need kissing, badly. Sally forth! Your small, hot, jump-up-and-down concert rooms, poetry slams, and coffeehouses are crawling with young heroes.
Final note: The quickest, most natural cure for poison is to fall in love with the antidote.
This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at E.Jean@AskEJean.com.