Dear E. Jean: My friend and I are both getting married this summer. Her fiancé gave her a $65,000 diamond. (Actually, I fixed them up—she thought he was too ugly to be seen with, I talked her into it, and now she bosses him around.) Her parents presented them with a new house; the wedding will be an extravaganza for the ages; she’s quitting her job so she can decorate the house full-time; and just before the honeymoon to South America, she’s going off the Pill, hoping to get pregnant.
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She lives in the Center of the Universe and calls constantly to chirp about how amazing her wedding is going to be. So shouldn’t I be happier for her? I feel like a shallow, horrible person because I’m secretly jealous. It’s doubtful I can have children, my ring cost $650 (we had to borrow the money), and we’ve been saving for years for our small wedding. I don’t begrudge my friend; I was even glad when she took all my ideas (which I couldn’t afford) for her wedding. But when she goes on and on in a sort of manic excited state about the awesomeness of her life, I immediately make excuses to escape. This is a very unpleasant way to feel about my friend and myself!—Green Eyes
Dear Green Eyes: No wonder you feel lousy. Hell, I don’t even know the chick and I hate her. Next time she calls, cut her off at the first burst of bliss-frenzy, and say: “Darling, I’m ecstatic for you! I’m getting married as well, and I’m chock- full of exciting plans too!” and keep talking until it dawns on the pest that there’s another bride on the planet. Your jealousy is a natural emotion. But if she doesn’t get the hint and enter tenderly into the delights and traumas of your wedding, drop her. She’s not a friend.
This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at E.Jean@AskEJean.com.