Dear E. Jean: I’ve been dating a boy for seven months and am head over heels in love. Very early in our relationship, he mentioned he had a fiancée who died unexpectedly after being with him for four years. He will not answer any questions about the dead fiancée because he said it would be too painful for me (huh?). He’s secretive about everything. He has a number of aliases, won’t share his e-mail address, phone numbers, etc., and has no close friends or family. And now there are four years of his life about which I can’t ask any questions.
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My friends and family all think I’m going to wind up in a body bag. But I think his fiancé’s death was so painful, he can’t talk about it because he doesn’t have closure. I’ve suggested he see a therapist, but he says that’s “not an option.” Should I forget it? Or give the guy more time and see if he’ll open up? —Stuck in a Fog
Stuck, my love: I understand why you’re torn: It’s exciting to find a guy who’s not constantly bragging about how beautiful, rich, thin, sexy, and stylish his ex-girlfriends are; on the other hand, a fellow should actually have a few exes still above ground.
Get rid of him. His whole deal smacks of high-flown bull-hockey. No family? Come on. Never, never waste time on a guy who has more aliases than he has friends. He’s a clandestine dickhead. And serious trouble, really.
This letter is from the E. Jean archive.