Dear E. Jean: For the past few years, I have been waking up in the middle of the night to eat (yes, I have dinner and eat regular meals throughout the day). I could stand to lose four or five pounds, but I am not overweight by any means. I don’t binge, really; I’ll usually just have a few bites of leftovers and then go back to sleep. I started this terrible habit when I was in college. I know it’s wrong but can’t seem to kick it. Do you have any ideas of how I can break the pattern? —Love Some of Your Brutal Advice
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Miss Love Some: Wait. Hold on. Have I wrapped my nightgown around my brain, or are you trying to tell me that you eat “a few bites” and then sleep again like a baby?
Egads, woman: For no cost, you’re getting the z’s that 164 million frenzied Americans tried (and generally failed) to get, according to Consumer Reports, by plunking down $41 billion for “sleep aids” in 2015. As I write, many beautiful ELLE readers across the country are staggering around with bags under their eyes the size of billiard balls because they can’t get a date with the sandman—and you’re asking for “brutal advice” on how to “break the pattern”? Never! It’s your body. Trust it! Eat when you like! Sleep as you please. Follow your own pattern. Your habit is not “terrible.” It’s terrific. To live brilliantly, you must sleep brilliantly.
Indeed, Auntie Eeee hauls her own desiccated carcass out of bed each night for a hit of almond butter, yogurt, walnuts, etc., and by God! When Auntie emerges from her nine-hour beauty snooze, she will spank the next schedule-flogging imbecile who tries to dictate to women what to eat, when to eat, when to sleep…bah! Pass me some of those leftovers. Got any mayo?