Dear E. Jean: My new salary makes me nervous. It’s so much money, I’m scared that I’m going to end up blowing it. I’m afraid I’ll feel too comfortable spending it. How can I avoid losing my head? —Nervous Working Girl
Aw, Hell, Working: You should lose your head. A woman who doesn’t lose her head when she wins a big new salary is probably too dumb to receive it.
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I realize this is not the kind of advice any decent columnist would give an ambitious woman, but Auntie Eeee is not decent. After two or three days of blowing it, you must get serious, of course, and have yourself tied to the mast like Ulysses and sail by Bergdorf’s without going inside—but a new salary? It’s to be enjoyed, else why go to work?
Then sign up (it’s free) on Mint.com. You’ll be able to view your financial accounts via charts and graphs that will help you set a budget, track your spending, set goals, and organize an investment plan. I’m waiting for them to build a new feature where they make us all rich widows without having to marry anyone.
P.S. If you’re not down with the whole “Spend it! It’s good for you!” philosophy, just forward your salary to me at my mountain cabin, along with a certified check for $1,800. That’s my fee for splurging and enjoying your money.
This letter is from the E. Jean archive.