Hello? French police? I would like to report being personally attacked by these photos of Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron strolling through a sun-dappled garden like Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant in Notting Hill. Could you connect me to Inspector Clouseau? I would like to report the theft of a thought because I literally doodle this all the time. Can I sue reality for copyright infringement?
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I am actually having a lot of emotions right now about these photos. Who is responsible for this? Why does this look so romantic? Would it be weird if I printed these out and added them to my wedding album? Did you know that Snapfish is having a sale and I’ve already ordered them? Hello? French police? Are you still there? Would you please put me in contact with Beyoncé’s character in The Pink Panther?
Why does this look like a prom catalog photo shoot tailored specifically to my interests? Why do they look like they’re on the best date that anyone has ever been on? Why are they looking at each other like they can’t believe they’re having this much fun and they thought they’d never laugh again but, by golly, here they are, standing on the veranda—laughing, living. Again.
Have you ever seen two more earnest dudes in all your life? No, you have not. These are the most genuine expressions that any human face has ever made. I can only assume they’re having one of those heated conversations that only happens in romcoms where the characters debate their favorite ’80s movies or breakfast sides. Macron is obsessed with Footloose; Trudeau loves Heathers. They both agree Canadian bacon is great.
I am obsessed with this stalker photographer, too. If I had known that taking pictures of hot dudes through the bushes was a legitimate career choice, I’d be living a very different life right now. I haven’t finished this season of Master of None but if it doesn’t end with Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron having a dreamy stroll through an Italian hillside, I’m suing.
Honestly, I will never get over this. I am obsessed with every pixel in this photo. I keep looking for a website that I can go to to buy literally everything I’m seeing because it must be an ad. An ad for what? I don’t know. Well-tailored suits, the life you wish you had, jawlines. Who cares? I’ll buy it. I’ll buy it all. Hello? French police? Did you get all that? Thank you for your help. If you need any more information, please don’t hesitate to contact me. You know where I’ll be: living inside this picture like Jack Nicholson in a super hot, oddly romantic version of The Shining.
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